I had my session at 10am in the new walking area. The car park was pretty packed and T wasn’t in his normal car, so it was hard to find him until he called my name out. When I listen back, I hear his tone was gentle throughout the session, but I don’t hear it … Continue reading Yesterday’s session
I’m logging this for my own self. So if reading about husband understandably winds you up, then please don’t read any further. It’s just I don’t want to forget, so I can work my way through all of this. Husband came home, having stopped by the barber for a haircut. he looked fresh and cheery, … Continue reading ⏳ The Husband Files: indifference
I know it’s going to be expected to feel nervous about my therapy session tomorrow, but I’m already getting jumpy about it today. It used to be that I needed an urgent toilet break all morning before leaving the house for therapy, and then again just before I sat in the waiting room. I remember … Continue reading Nervous
I seem to be a spectacular shit magnet. Honestly, I really should just quit while I’m ahead! At the weekend away, husband did a magnificent 30 minute speech and presentation, a real show-stopper. I filmed it in it’s entirety, and then tonight decided to text it to his Mum, Dad and sister in a group … Continue reading Can’t help myself!
I had a surprise text from T this morning: I was surprised T was offering me this location instead of the equi-distanced walk he offered last week as it’s reasonably close to his home. Imagine a huge wooded area and his house is far north, but this road is as far south as you can … Continue reading What do you make of this?
Husband told me he wants to just draw a line under how our relationship has been this past year, and just start afresh, without so much as a single word on the subject. The problem I have is, he’s told me repeatedly: I don’t know if you can give me what to want and needWe … Continue reading Is it possible to move forward without looking back?
I’m really missing my therapist. It’s not like there haven’t been things to discuss with him, because there have been. But he hasn’t been there, with me, through a really hard time. Am I surviving it anyway? Yeah. I’m not dead, so I’m surviving. But life is shit, I am shit, my throat still hurts … Continue reading Missing
I’m not certain that I want to have therapy with T this Friday. He’s kindly arranged to meet me in a location between our two homes, which ironically takes almost as much time for me to get there as it does our normal walking place, but it’s a cold and windy location with terrain harder … Continue reading Dread
This was the big work event husband organised, with some of my old colleagues also present. I hadn't much looked forward to it of late, I think the combination of feeling the loss of T (or T as he always has been for me, even if it's temporarily - which there's no certain way of … Continue reading This weekend
I’m away for the weekend at a big event, with some of my old colleagues attending. The subject of therapy came up, and I was surprised and saddened to hear some of the views on the subject. One of the people I admire the most, was the most scathing of them all. They felt strongly … Continue reading Attitudes